Agent Provocateur - 'The Season of The Witch' Ad Campaign Vs 'Inciting Agent', Alex's Gift* of Art to You, His Public

Today I bought The Sunday Times in a mistaken attempt to provide Adam Haslewood with a crossword which could win him a set of Penguin dictionaries. Or something...

Anyway, I didn't end up reading much of it, as I never do - but I always make sure to check out the Style section, because I'm fashion conscious, not because I'm a massive pervert.

Or so I thought; in reality I just ended up looking at the Agent Provocateur advert, which had - in classic lazy journalist Vs eager PR style - been extended into an article more advertorial than editorial, (probably saving Agent Provocateur a packet on ad space).

You can see the video version of their ad campaign on the website (here) if you choose the 'Experience' option from the menu (opposite of 'innocence' - note for your AS Level Media Studies class, folks). If, like most people, your computer hasn't been assembled by a billionaire rocket surgeon, you may find the whole experience more disturbing due to its jerkiness and tedium rather than the mild affronts at common dignity and generic horror porn motifs.

It employs a narrative of sorts: a 'choose your own adventure' format reminiscent of the fantasy books or early computer adventure games. Except that it's dumbed down to the point of banality by some cod-chivalrous 'Save The Virgin' storyline, where no matter what your choice at each juncture the following sequential video makes little or no sense and betrays a basic lack of an understanding - on the director's part - of cause and effect.

Whether or not the sexy outfits and knives and suggestive fruits are that far removed from the 'Carry On...' epidemic of the 70s is beyond me; I'm similarly baffled by whether this empowers or objectifies women. Perhaps neither; the real crux of the issue is whether or not it helps sell underwear, because that - surely - is the bottom line; selling sexy, impractical, sexy underwear to women who want to look like vampire lesbians from the planet Qxarg.

Whether or not the virgin is saved at the end seems entirely irrelevant; either path - the noble or the wanton - parades one through a butcher's shop of multi-ethnic near-nudity, squashed pomegranates, powerless feminine boy models, suggestions of violence and gratuitous... gratuitous displays of more styles of underwear than any lonely public school boy could ever memorise.

And that the virgin is the only one not dressed in sexy, impractical, sexy underwear proves her to be hardly worth the saving. I suppose.

This imagery in the newspaper flooded my mind with several strong feelings, which are played out here, for the sake of convenience, in sequence:

a) What a great party!
b) Why do I never go to parties like that?
c) Look at all that underwear!
d) What period is this? The references all seem mixed...
e) There are hardly any men there.
f) Why do I never go to parties like that?
g) Is that Peaches Geldof?
h) Actually I have been to parties a bit like that...
i) I can't believe nobody's being sick.
j) I might put this on my wall. I quite like it.
k) Actually, that'll make me look like a massive pervert.
l) Maybe I am a massive pervert?
m) If I am, why try to hide it?
n) I just like the picture!
o) This is the bit of the newspaper I've spent the most time looking at...
p) And it's designed to sell women's underwear - something I have never bought.
q) I wonder what's going on in the news...
r) But not quite enough to read the rest of the paper.
s) The headlines are the only bits you remember anyway.
t) Maybe I could legitimately have this on my wall if I disguised it as an art piece?
u) Sort of how Agent Provocateur managed not to have to pay for this advert...
v) Sort of.
w) It'll be really clever: I'll stick the headlines around the frame...
x) So it'll be symbolic of my relationship with the newspaper...
y) And the headlines themselves can narrate the picture, instead of the original article...
z) And I can sell it for ONE BILLION DOLLARS.

Here it is:
It's not an anti-capitalist or Francophobic piece, it's just a plea for decency.

It's called 'Inciting Agent', (not 'The Season of The Witch' - that's the name of a Donovan song), and it's not recycled art: it's a recycled advert, which makes it recycled recycled art.

Also, you can but it for ONE BILLION DOLLARS.

E-mail me.















...and finally, check out

a) Oliver's interview with Bill Drummond, formerly of the KLF, The JAMMS, The K-Foundation etc. etc., now of The17: click here

(Oliver's own website is well worth a look and can be found here.)

b) My review of the recent Offset Festival 2008 in Hainault, Essex: click here

c) My Guardian blog about advertising and art: click here



* The word 'Gift' is here taken to mean 'Exchange for the sum of ONE BILLION DOLLARS'